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Real Wedding: Aylin & Ethan

I defy anyone with a heart to watch this video and not cry. This is one of the most humble, Christ-exalting things I have ever seen. I do not know this couple personally, but they graciously agreed to share their video and story with me for the blog and book. Here are the bride’s words about their wedding:

We wanted it to be very clear that our marriage was built on His grace and His alone. Both of us are pastor’s kids, with desires to serve the Lord in ministry. People kept saying, “You deserve this marriage.” “Look how God has blessed you for having waited to well in His time.” We both knew the many struggles we had with our sin during our singleness. We wanted it to be very clear that if the Lord blessed our marriage it was all because of Him, not because of anything in us. So, we had a time of public confession of sins, and then we nailed those sins to a Calvary tree “sculpture” that we prepared. As we nailed the list, our pastor read Col. 2: 16. Then we sang The Power of the Cross.

Please, take a few minutes and rejoice in the power of the cross and the great love of our Savior.

Aylin + Ethan from Studio 16×9 on Vimeo.

Telling Your Story/Telling God’s Story

One of my favorite aspects of this book-writing process has been meeting fellow believers around the world who have, by God’s grace, done some pretty great things with their weddings. I met Alyssa Poblete through Twitter and she and her husband, Chris, agreed to let me post this video here.

The video was shown at the reception after the speeches. It was made by Lauren Myering and the first time Chris and Alyssa saw it was at the wedding.

Here are Alyssa’s comments on the purpose of the video:

“Each one of us has a story that is part of God’s bigger story and Chris and I wanted to take the opportunity to highlight that for our guests. The wedding video was a tool that Chris and I used to communicate the story of God’s absolute sovereignty in our lives and the abundant grace he has shown us. Many of our guests were loved ones that we only get to see every few years. For many of them, we are not sure if they know Jesus.”

Thanks, Alyssa and Chris, for sharing this!

Alternatives to the Bouquet and Garter Toss

Ulmer Studios Photography www.ulmerstudios.com

Melissa Marie Floral Design, courtesy of Ulmer Studios

Last week we discussed the reception “tossing traditions” and it would seem opinions abound on this topic. At the heart of the matter, as with all of life, is our motivation for what we do.

Sometimes, particularly with weddings, we include certain elements as a nod to tradition. So we looked at where these traditions came from. In my opinion, the origin of these traditions does not mandate they be included in your wedding. Really there are just a few things in your wedding that are necessary–for the rest, you get to choose!

So as you are making your decision, here are some alternative ideas:

* My new internet friend Tricia did not want to do the traditional bouquet toss so she said: “we made a ‘gift bouquet’ which I tossed to anyone/everyone at the reception. It had some flowers, a restaurant gift card, movie tickets, and movie snacks. We treated it as a big ‘thank you’ for attending our wedding and it was a huge hit. Our photographer said he’s never seen so many people vying for ‘the bouquet.’”

I think this is a great way to include everyone but still get the fun pictures of the bride tossing the bouquet if that’s something you want. It doesn’t single out any one group, or leave anyone on the fringes. And it’s a means of honoring those who chose to spend their day celebrating with you.’

* If you are having dancing I’ve seen couples have a special dance where they invite all the married couples to dance, then gradually have people sit down based on the amount of time they’ve been married. For instance, the emcee would ask those married 5 years or less to sit, then 10, 20, 30 and so on. At the end of the dance the couple married the longest is given the bouquet. This is such a beautiful idea and a great way to give testimony to what God has done in His faithfulness to these two people in their marriage. What a privilege to honor those who have kept their commitment to one another and God for 50+ years.

* We did not dance at our wedding (thankfully…I’m not particularly gifted in the rhythm department) so we modified this dance idea. We had everyone married for at least 25 years come to the middle of the room, then gradually counted up from there. The florist had saved me several long-stemmed roses and a small bouquet. So as we got to the final few couples we gave them each a flower, and gave the couple married the longest the bouquet.

Interestingly, people were not attentive to the cake-cutting or other reception components, but this was the one time everyone was focused on the same thing–the gift of marriage. Knowing the particular stories of the couples made it even richer for us, and I still cry watching this part of the wedding video. Erik and I were able to publicly honor his grandparents, who are two of the most amazing people I know. And I knew I would be giving the bouquet to my grandmother, whose husband of 57 years–my sweet grandfather–was unable to come because he was battling the cancer that would later defeat his earthly body.

It was a bittersweet, precious moment, and one of the most treasured of my wedding day.

* I have also heard of brides presenting the bouquet to an honored relative. It worked out for me that I could do both, knowing the person married the longest would be my grandmother. But had that not been the case we might have chosen to honor our grandparents anyway.

What else have you seen as alternatives to the tossing tradition? I would love to include other ideas in the book!

Real Wedding: George and Becky

If you’re planning a wedding and wish you could sit down with a wise newlywed couple and ask their advice, this is the post for you. Today’s post is the first in a series of Real Wedding features.

I first heard about George and Becky through one of their pastors, Deepak Reju, who officiated their wedding at their home church, Capitol Hill Baptist in Washington, D.C. They graciously agreed to answer a questionnaire for book research for my mom and me, and gave some great insight into their gospel-focused wedding plans.

Then several weeks ago my friend Sarah of Ampersand Photography featured George and Becky’s wedding on her blog. So worlds collided and we now have some beautiful images to go along with a gorgeous, Christ-centered wedding. I could probably do three or four posts on this wedding, but will try to keep myself under control. And be sure to read to the bottom so you can see all the pictures.

The couple wanted their wedding to be a “celebratory worship service,” and this comes through in many of their decisions.

We asked how they chose to focus on the gospel in various elements of their wedding, and here are some of their answers:

Wedding Programs

Our church asks that you print all of the words to any scripture readings/songs and if possible the biblical text being used for the wedding sermon. It was explained to us by Deepak as a way of presenting the gospel to each guest and allowing them to take it away with them at the end of the service.

The back of the program noted how we will leave to honeymoon and return to make our home in D.C. together but that Heaven is our eternal home, and how our greatest joy and affections for each other pale in comparison to God’s eternal grace for sinners in the life and death of his son, Jesus Christ. We wanted our programs to magnify Christ’s graciousness to us, sinners saved by grace, and be beautiful for their purpose.

Music

Our church has many helpful guidelines for weddings that take place in the church. One of these is that the wedding ceremony is treated as a worship service and therefore corporate singing is a part of each ceremony. We loved this and were so happy to incorporate our favorite hymns into the service. We sang as a congregation the following songs: Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing, The King of Love, Praise to the Lord, the Almighty. Becky walked down the aisle to The King of Love (instrumental) as it is her favorite hymn. After we kissed, the recessional song was There is a Happy Land. We loved keeping the focus on beautiful songs depicting even more beautiful truth, the truth of God’s love for sinners, the hope we have for eternity, and salvation that comes through faith in Christ.

Sermon

Deepak preached on Ephesians 5:21-33, which speaks about marriage and the gospel. It was a clear teaching that we wanted Deepak to use to teach us on that day our marriage began, and also a great way of distinguishing Christian marriage from this world’s misrepresentations of love and commitment. We were eager to hear this message, but also eager for some of our unbelieving family and friends to hear the good news of Jesus Christ and God’s purposes in marriage.

Advice for Couples

Focus on the ceremony, it is the ceremony that is the most meaningful part and gives you the greatest opportunity to share the gospel. We were blessed to have generous parents who made a lovely reception possible, but we both remark often that the most meaningful part of the day for us was the ceremony not the party afterwards! Focus on the truth of God’s Word for your marriage, not the table settings or color choices!

Short engagements are better than long engagements! We were engaged in early August and married the following January…a nearly 5 1/2 month engagement and by having a short engagement we were able to accomplish the necessary, without giving way to over-thinking the details that can be unnecessary.

Regarding money: Stress can come by having endless supplies of money and having too many possibilities while not having a gospel focus, or it can come by having limited or no funds and choosing to believe the world’s message that identity comes through weddings not Christ. 

Special thanks to George and Becky for allowing me to feature your wedding, and for the great advice you’ve shared! And thanks to Sarah for the gorgeous images!

If you would like to recommend a wedding to be featured in a Real Weddings post, please fill out the form here. It can be your own wedding or you can submit someone else’s. Thanks!

Vendors

Photographer: Ampersand Photography

Caterer: The Sweet Lobby

Floral Designer: Greenworks by Shane

An Interview and A Request

I am so thankful to Gloria at Domestic Kingdom for interviewing me for her blog today! Gloria has quickly become one of my favorite bloggers and tweeters (you can follow her at @gloriafurman), and I’m super excited about her upcoming book, Glimpses of Grace: Treasuring the Gospel in Your Home (Crossway, 2013). You can read the interview here, but you will most likely want to stick around for a bit and read some of the great, gospel-rich posts she has written or featured from other writers.

'Laptop sleeve by Martice on Etsy' photo (c) 2010, Anastasia - license: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

I also have a request for those who have found their way to the blog so far. I would like to regularly feature real weddings here in order to share ideas and inspiration for those who are currently in the midst of planning. Ideally these would include pictures and a short interview with a real couple describing their wedding and the ways in which they purposed to proclaim the gospel to those present (including to one another).

So, if you know of a couple (including yourself) who fits this description, could you please share this link with them (also found under the “Submit a Wedding” link in the menu)? There is a quick form to fill out and I will take it from there. And don’t be shy about filling it out for yourself – this is not an opportunity to brag on yourself, but on God’s faithfulness and the ways in which He was glorified and honored in your wedding. I want this to be a place where couples can find ideas that are different from the norm that you find in wedding magazines and a lot of websites. And in order to do that, I need YOUR help. So thanks in advance.

In my book research I have already heard of some beautiful things people are doing in order to exalt Christ and I’m excited to share them with others! So stay tuned…

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