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Category Archives: In Others’ Words

Real Wedding: Aylin & Ethan

I defy anyone with a heart to watch this video and not cry. This is one of the most humble, Christ-exalting things I have ever seen. I do not know this couple personally, but they graciously agreed to share their video and story with me for the blog and book. Here are the bride’s words about their wedding:

We wanted it to be very clear that our marriage was built on His grace and His alone. Both of us are pastor’s kids, with desires to serve the Lord in ministry. People kept saying, “You deserve this marriage.” “Look how God has blessed you for having waited to well in His time.” We both knew the many struggles we had with our sin during our singleness. We wanted it to be very clear that if the Lord blessed our marriage it was all because of Him, not because of anything in us. So, we had a time of public confession of sins, and then we nailed those sins to a Calvary tree “sculpture” that we prepared. As we nailed the list, our pastor read Col. 2: 16. Then we sang The Power of the Cross.

Please, take a few minutes and rejoice in the power of the cross and the great love of our Savior.

Aylin + Ethan from Studio 16×9 on Vimeo.

What I’m Reading

Now that I’m not busy writing a book, I’ve been enjoying some extra time to read several I’ve had on the shelf for a while. So I thought I’d list a few that have been particularly great, as well as a few I’m in the middle of or hoping to read soon.

Super(free)Woman: From Fundamentalist to Failure to Faith - by Marci Preheim. I’ve mentioned this one on the blog before, and am hoping to have a full review up eventually. If you’re looking for something to give the mother(s) in your life for Mother’s Day, give them the gift of freedom. Freedom from the pressures placed upon women by other women. Freedom from conformity to outside rules and expectations. Freedom from enslavement to the opinions of others. I love this quote from the book: “Depending on Christ’s righteousness is the joyful alternative to human achievement. The beauty of the gospel is realized in the humility that admits we have nothing to offer–no righteousness to bring. We know this, but don’t live it in front of each other. Instead we try to prove the opposite. Covering our sin and wearing a mask of external righteousness, we fool others into thinking we are godly.” The book is accessible and honest–Preheim pulls no punches, but lands them with love and grace. It’s as if you’re sitting across from her–something I’ve been privileged to do in our church body–and she is lovingly exhorting you to abide in Christ and rest in Him. Get it, read it, buy one for all your friends. Seriously.

Delighting in the Trinity: An Introduction to the Christian Faith by Michael Reeves. This one is so good. I wish I could have read it years ago. The wit, beauty and joy with which it is written makes the author’s excitement contagious to the reader. It takes me a while to read books, but I picked this one up on a Tuesday and finished it on Thursday.

The Freedom of Self Forgetfulness by Tim Keller. Coming in at just 45 pages, this is a great one for the busy reader. Keller builds a case for the believer to think of himself less (not think less of himself), using Paul’s words from I Cor. 3:21-4:7. Not only does Keller diagnose the problem, something at which he is incredibly gifted. He also graciously and lovingly points out the solution.

Because He Loves Me: How Christ Transforms Our Daily Life by Elyse Fitzpatrick. In two parts, Fitzpatrick looks at how God’s love transforms both our identities and our lives. I have about half of this book underlined, so it is hard to come up with quotes or highlights. But this is a freedom-granting, Christ-exalting book from the heart of a writer who wants her readers to know the deep, amazing love of the Father for His adopted children, and the Son for His bride.

Suburbianity: What Have We Done to the Gospel? Can We Find Our Way Back to Biblical Christianity? - by Byron Yawn. Byron is my pastor. I know his heart for his church, and this book was written as a cry for us–suburban Christians in the heart of the Bible belt–to recognize that what we think is Christianity is actually “suburbianity.” Living in Nashville, we get it. There are more churches than trees. He writes, “You can’t assume people are less needy of the gospel if a church happens to be on every corner. Chances are they’ve never actually heard the gospel.” This is true here, even where everyone goes to church and claims to be a Christian. Byron’s heart is to awaken the church to a vibrant understanding of the true gospel–and understanding that compels us to go next door to our affluent suburban neighbors and actually share the gospel with them. It’s happening in my church, and it’s beautiful and exciting.

*Full disclosure–if you buy one of these books from the links on this page, I will get a tiny profit, further feeding my book addiction. If you would like to support said addiction, feel free to use these links. If you want to free me from the addiction, you might not want to use them.

So what are you reading right now, or what would you recommend I read next?

Choosing Your Wedding Attendants

'Wedding group at Wynberg, New Farm' photo (c) 2010, State Library Queensland - license: http://www.flickr.com/commons/usage/

I’m finally getting back to the subject of choosing your wedding party, a topic suggested by a reader a couple of weeks ago.

I have talked to several women who say they look back at their wedding pictures and no longer have contact with many of their attendants. There are many reasons for this, but one of the common ones is that we tend to choose those people we are currently closest to, or those we promised we would choose years earlier.

Maybe in high school you and your best friends would talk about being in each other’s weddings. So when you get engaged, you feel as if you’re required to honor that decision you made 10 years earlier.

Or maybe you just graduated from college and have high school friends, college friends and family members to choose from and you’re feeling overwhelmed.

Or it could be that you’ve moved away from home, lost touch with some of your older friends, but still feel you should include them.

There is no real right or wrong decision here, but I would pose a few things to consider:

What is the purpose of having bridesmaids and groomsmen?

I like what my friend Sarah had to say about this:

I think that from a Christian perspective, the wedding party isn’t merely a group of close friends that you want to celebrate with you. They’re the people you ask to stand as witnesses to your covenant vows, and to encourage you in & hold you accountable to those vows in the future.

So your bridesmaids and groomsmen are the primary witnesses of your covenant. If they are to hold you accountable in the future that would necessitate an ongoing, close relationship.

Another reader pointed out the importance of choosing people you trust to plan parties for you, like the bachelor or bachelorette parties, if you choose to have them.

Should they be my age, single, married, older, younger?

Once again, there is no right or wrong answer here, but I like what Bill said about his decision:

When I chose groomsmen last year, I chose men who were brothers in Christ and had godly marriages so they would be able to hold me accountable to being a godly husband. Also, they were able to offer the encouragement and counsel that single men could not provide.

Depending on the situation, this of course is not always possible. You would not necessarily want to pass up on choosing your single brother just so you could have a married friend instead. But I think the idea is a valuable one. You can learn from and be encouraged by those who have the benefit of perspective during this process. They have been through it and know how to support you and pray for you.

Must they be Christians?

When I began writing the book, I assumed it was best to only have Christians in your wedding party. But I heard from a couple of brides who made the choice to include unbelieving siblings as bridesmaids. These couples chose this because it gave their siblings an opportunity to get a first-hand glance into the beauty of the gospel message as portrayed by a wedding ceremony. And they knew their other attendants were strong believers. They wanted their siblings to be around other Christ-followers.

I hope that is a helpful look at this topic. There are obviously many more things that could be said, but the truth is that it’s an opportunity for the bride and groom to sit down together and pray over this decision. Allow the other person to be in on the decision-making process for your own attendants. This will ensure that you have the same goal and desires in your choices.

Do you have any other thoughts on this topic? Any stories from your own wedding or a friend’s?

What is Love? – A Short Video

I’m not posting much on the blog these days as I’m in the middle of a week of book-writing, but I ran across this video this morning and wanted to share it.

Tim Challies posted it on his blog with the following comment:

“Whenever I do pre-marriage counseling I tell the groom-to-be, ‘I know you’d die for her, but are you willing to live for her?’ This is what it looks like to live for her.”

Cue the tears.

Tim Keller on The Wedding at Cana

'The Wedding Feast at Cana in the Musee de Louvre' photo (c) 2004, edwin.11 - license: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/
If you are in the process of planning a wedding I would like to commend to you this sermon by Tim Keller, titled “Lord of the Wine.” Keller looks at the passage from John 2 that describes Jesus’ first miracle at the wedding in Cana and shows how the work and words of Christ in this event foreshadow both His death and the wedding feast of the Lamb to come.

Keller states in this event that “Jesus is thinking about his wedding day…the consummation of all consummations. The ultimate union, the ultimate embrace, the wedding feast to end all wedding feasts.” Yet he is also thinking of what it will require to bring His Bride to Himself–He must drink the cup of the curse so we might drink the cup of blessing.

As I’m writing about wedding receptions I am continually drawn to imagine and rejoice in our forthcoming wedding feast with our true Bridegroom, the Lamb Who was slain. Our earthly receptions are a picture, however dim, of this future feast. Yet we can rejoice now because Christ did drink the cup. Whereas in Egypt the water turned to blood was a curse, in Christ His blood is a blessing.

The beauty of the gospel is this: Because of Christ,  ”You are not invited to obey a set of rules, you are invited to a feast. You are invited not just to know, but to experience it.”

My Must-Reads in 2013

marci

I am looking forward to several new books, many from first-time authors, to be published in 2013. Many of these authors are friends, either from “real life” or “blog life,” and they have all encouraged me in their writing this past year. I’ll attempt to list these in order of anticipated release:

Gospel Amnesia – blogger Luma Simms’ first book comes out in just a couple of weeks (Jan. 15). I will post more on this later, no doubt, but be on the lookout for this writer’s account of the powerful effects of grace in her life.

Super(free)Woman: From Fundamentalist to Failure to Faith (Volume 1) – my friend Marci Preheim has written this excellent book, subtitled “From Fundamentalist to Failure to Faith.” Based on two Bible studies she has taught the women in our local church family, this message has freed myself and so many women to serve God not out of our own efforts based on guilt, but instead as a natural outflow from our position of abiding in Christ. I will be posting a longer review of this book in a few weeks when it is available for purchase on Amazon.

Suburbianity: What Have We Done to the Gospel? Can We Find Our Way Back to Biblical Christianity? - this book by my pastor, Byron Yawn, asks the questions, “What have we done to the gospel?” and “Can we find our way back to biblical Christianity?” I always enjoy Byron’s writing, but even more love his heart to shepherd and love his flock to something beyond ourselves and our rampant narcissism. This one is due out on April 1st.

Glimpses of Grace: Treasuring the Gospel in Your Home – blogger and author Gloria Furman has been such a huge encouragement to me as I’ve labored in my writing, but even more importantly I have been greatly encouraged and challenged by her reflections on the “mundane” aspects of life on her blog, Domestic Kingdom. This book encourages us to treasure the gospel in our homes, and I am so excited to read it when it comes out at the end of May.

There are many other great titles due out in 2013, but these are just a few on my radar so I wanted to share them with you. Please join with me in praying for these authors–for trust in the Lord’s sovereign control over who will read the books, and for faith that He will use the message as He wills.

What books are you looking forward to in 2013?

Blogging Break

Due to several factors I’m going to take a break from blogging for a couple of weeks until after the holidays.

Today I’ll just leave us with this prayer from Scotty Smith (read the whole thing here):

Father, there’s really nothing merely “merry” or “little” about Christmas, and it certainly isn’t a day about denying or hiding from our troubles. For in sending Jesus to us, you’ve underscored just as desperate our condition is; but also how matchless your generosity is.

Indeed, the size of our Christmas has absolutely nothing to do with how much discretionary money we have to spend on bigger and better gifts, rather, on how big our gospel is. How I praise you that every Christmas is huge, majestically huge, irrespective of any economy or currency.

Would You Forget Your Dress?

'Honeymoonscape' photo (c) 2010, JD Hancock - license: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

I am currently in Kansas visiting with family, so blogging will be spotty this week, but last night I had some time to myself (what?!) and started reading Because He Loves Me by Elyse Fitzpatrick and wanted to share a brief thought. The premise of the book is Christians need the gospel–we never move past it. Christ not only saves us, but transforms us. Here is a great section from the second chapter:

The gospel message–you have been cleansed from sin–is the pinnacle of God’s loving work in the world, and just as it is this work that saves us, it is also this work that transforms and sustains us. The gospel is the message that must remain paramount throughout all our life.  [...] Jesus’ death cleanses us from sin, but it also guarantees our ultimate transformation into his image. This transformation occurs, Paul writes, while we gaze upon him, think about him, and muse on him as he has revealed himself to us in the gospel. “And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another” (2 Cor. 3:18). Behold his glory in the gospel and be transformed.

A few days ago I received an email from Gloria, whose blog I have mentioned before. She was reading Jeremiah and passed this verse on to me:

Can a virgin forget her ornaments, or a bride her attire? Yet my people have forgotten me days without number. Jer 2:22

I love this picture. Of course a bride does not forget such things, yet we are so tempted to move past Christ’s work and forget Him, moving on to the important work of everyday life.

May our everyday life (from planning weddings to making PB&J for toddlers) be characterized by a remembrance of and deep love for Christ and His work.

P.S.  If you’re curious about the book and the writing process, my new friend Trillia has graciously featured me in her series on new female authors. Check it out here and be sure to read this post about Trillia’s upcoming, much-needed book.

Wedding Registry: Gift, Giver, and Pleasant Inns

'THE CHINE INN. SHANKLIN. IOW.' photo (c) 2010, Ronald Saunders - license: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/

This is the final post on gift registries, at least for now. Thank you all for your input and help as I think through these things. It’s so helpful to have your feedback as Mom and I work on writing about some of these subjects.

In regards to the poll question about including registry info in the wedding invitation, I thought my mom had a great idea. She suggested couples could determine who they think would want the information, and who would not think it appropriate, and include it only in the invitations where it would serve people. In this way you are thinking of the guests, not just the gifts.

This brings me to the post for today. In recent years retailers have realized the jackpot they have in wedding registries. You now have the option in many stores to do a registry completion after your wedding, meaning you get a discount on all the items left on your registry. Because of this I’ve seen couples register for whole bedroom suits or even paper towels and toilet paper. I mean, if you can get a 20% discount on those items, why would you pass that up?

I think the balance for this is another one that is difficult to determine. It’s practical to want to save money on things you need, but it can also be a little offensive for a guest to look up your registry and feel expected to buy you a new bed or large TV.

In the end I think the heart of the matter is to what do we give more worth–the gift or the giver? Is it more important that we get what we want, or that our guests know they are loved and appreciated, no matter if they bring a gift at all? Now, we have already discussed the fact that you can’t please everyone, and that shouldn’t be the focus. But we see in Scripture the example of Christ as a servant and as we, through the Holy Spirit, become more Christ-like we see the value of serving people as being greater than the value of receiving things.

This is a temptation even in our walk with God the Father. We see He gives us great gifts, but do we value and worship the gifts over the Giver? Am I more thankful for the beautiful trees, or for the Creator of those trees?

I struggle with this most days, either complaining about what I don’t have, or being too attached to what I do have. Yet in the light of eternity, this struggle just seems silly, honestly.

Last week Mark Dever, pastor of Capitol Hill Baptist Church, tweeted a few quotes from C.S. Lewis’ book The Problem of Pain. I think this section is extremely helpful in thinking through our possessions and material comforts, and I hope it helps couples as they consider setting up their home together.

The settled happiness and security which we all desire, God withholds from us by the very nature of the world; but joy, pleasure, and merriment, He has scattered broadcast. We are never safe, but we have plenty of fun, and some ecstasy. It is not hard to see why. The security we crave would teach us to rest our hearts in this world and oppose an obstacle to our return to God: a few moments of happy love, a landscape, a symphony, a merry meeting with our friends, a bathe [sic] or a football match, have no such tendency. Our Father refreshes us on the journey with some pleasant inns, but will not encourage us to mistake them for home. C.S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain

May we crave God more than His gifts, praise Him for the refreshment He gives, but long more for our true Home.

A Celebration of Love?

'Love, amor, aimer, amore' photo (c) 2010, Camdiluv ♥ - license: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/

In the next couple of weeks I plan to start focusing on individual elements of weddings and the planning process, but today I want to continue to lay the foundation for what a Christ-centered, gospel-rich wedding actually is.

I think sometimes we can go too far in the direction of deflecting attention from ourselves that we actually think it’s wrong to celebrate human love. That is not the point we hope to make in this book, and certainly not what I want readers to take away from the blog. Our Creator graciously gave us human love, and it is a reflection of His great love for us.

So how do we balance this? How do we celebrate the work of Christ in humility? How do we focus on the love of God while also celebrating the human love He has given us?

I love the way this balance is expressed in the following prayer by Tim Challies from a wedding he performed. Tim graciously gave us a couple of his wedding ceremony notes to use for our book.

Our Father in Heaven, In your perfect will and in your perfect timing you have brought us here today. You have brought us here together to celebrate the marriage of Jason and Leah.* We are looking forward to using the rest of this day to rejoice in what you are doing and what you have done. And it is our prayer that as you bring them together, as we delight in their love for one another, that we will make much of you. Even while this day is about them, about celebrating their union in marriage, let us make it first and foremost a day in which we celebrate who you are and what you have done. In the name of Christ I pray. Amen.

This is so beautifully said. May we make much of the loving Father as we rejoice and celebrate together.

I’m excited to witness a wedding this weekend that I know will have this focus and heart. There is nothing quite like seeing two people testify to God’s goodness and grace as they come together and are made one by God, for His glory.

*Names have been changed

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