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Author Archives: Catherine Parks

The Lord is Near

Philippians 4:5b-7 – The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

When my husband and I were dating he would point out this “worry spot” I got between my eyes when I was concerned about something. Somehow in the past 8 years, that spot has all but disappeared. I would like to credit this solely to sanctification–to a deep understanding that the Lord is at hand. That He’s near and I don’t have to worry. Sometimes, this is true–I’m resting and trusting.

Much of the time, though, I’m just being optimistic.

The problem with optimism is that my trust isn’t in God or His sovereign love. My trust is in “bright side” thinking. The ability to look on the bright side of every situation is something I used to consider a strength. And it can be. But sometimes it lets us down.

Sometimes the bright side just isn’t there.

Sometimes we can’t say, “Well at least…” or “Yeah, that’s horrible, but think about it this way.”

Sometimes there’s no visible silver lining.

If my trust in God is dependent on seeing the bright side of things, there will come a day when my trust falls apart. When I can’t see the silver lining and I am forced to really contend with God.

When homes in our neighborhood are broken into, our neighbor tells us she just doesn’t want anyone taking the things she’s worked hard for. I pridefully pity her, thinking I’m wiser and able to trust God more. After all, it’s just stuff. But my “trust” falls apart a bit when I think of someone taking not just our old hand-me-down furniture or electronics. What if they harm my children?

The problem with optimism is there are some situations I can’t imagine being optimistic about. And harm to my children is certainly one of those.

And so I’m learning my trust has to be deeper. It has to be in Someone greater than me and my ability to think positively.

The Lord is near. If you tell me not to be anxious, I can’t do it. But if you tell me, “Don’t be anxious, the Lord is near. He is at hand–returning soon! Come to Him with your requests and your concerns, thank Him for His faithfulness. And you will have peace. Amazing peace that surpasses understanding. And it will guard your heart and your mind,” that is what I need.

Not optimism.

Trust.

Not “don’t worry about it…things will look better tomorrow.”

Trust in a God who is near; a God who has suffered in my place; a God who loves me deeply as His child.

The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. - Psalm 145:18

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. - Psalm 34:18

But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ. - Ephesians 2:13 -

Whom have I in heaven but you?

And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.

My flesh and my heart may fail,

but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

For behold, those who are far from you shall perish;

you put an end to everyone who is unfaithful to you.

But for me it is good to be near God;

I have made the Lord God my refuge,

that I may tell of all your works. - Psalm 73:25-28

Music Monday – “Beautiful” by Phil Wickham

The lyrics for this song by Phil Wickham are below the video. I’ve heard of this being used as a processional for a wedding, but it would work great for corporate worship or a special number during the ceremony. I particularly like the last two verses. And the time lapse video images below are just gorgeous.

I see Your face in every sunrise
The colors of the morning are inside Your eyes
The world awakens in the light of the day
I look up to the sky and say
You’re beautiful

I see Your power in the moonlit night
Where planets are in motion and galaxies are bright
We are amazed in the light of the stars
It’s all proclaiming who You are
You’re beautiful, You’re beautiful

I see you there hanging on a tree
You bled and then you died and then you rose again for me
Now you are sitting on Your heavenly throne
Soon we will be coming home
You’re beautiful, you’re beautiful

When we arrive at eternity’s shore
Where death is just a memory and tears are no more
We’ll enter in as the wedding bells ring
Your bride will come together and we’ll sing
You’re beautiful, You’re beautiful, You’re beautiful

Real Wedding: Aylin & Ethan

I defy anyone with a heart to watch this video and not cry. This is one of the most humble, Christ-exalting things I have ever seen. I do not know this couple personally, but they graciously agreed to share their video and story with me for the blog and book. Here are the bride’s words about their wedding:

We wanted it to be very clear that our marriage was built on His grace and His alone. Both of us are pastor’s kids, with desires to serve the Lord in ministry. People kept saying, “You deserve this marriage.” “Look how God has blessed you for having waited to well in His time.” We both knew the many struggles we had with our sin during our singleness. We wanted it to be very clear that if the Lord blessed our marriage it was all because of Him, not because of anything in us. So, we had a time of public confession of sins, and then we nailed those sins to a Calvary tree “sculpture” that we prepared. As we nailed the list, our pastor read Col. 2: 16. Then we sang The Power of the Cross.

Please, take a few minutes and rejoice in the power of the cross and the great love of our Savior.

Aylin + Ethan from Studio 16×9 on Vimeo.

Music Monday – “Holy” by The City Harmonic

I had never heard this song until Tim Challies posted it on his blog several days ago. A couple in his church used it in their wedding ceremony and I can only imagine how beautiful that was to behold.  The lyrics are included in the video below–watch and rejoice!

Why I Rarely Blog About Weddings (on a blog called “Don’t Waste Your Wedding”)

Someone commented on a link to this blog from Facebook that I should start a new blog so they don’t have to go to a wedding blog to read my posts about non-wedding topics. It’s true–I’ve been writing a lot about things other than weddings. For a while I thought maybe I was just a little burned out on weddings. Once the book was finished I was excited to think about anything else. And as things come up and are on my heart, it’s natural to write about them.

But the more I thought about it, I realized the real reason I have a hard time blogging about weddings. Yes, I know. It’s a wedding blog. Clearly this is a problem. But I think it makes sense, and hopefully it will translate as I write about it here.

The nature of wedding blogs and books in general is to give couples ideas. This can be super helpful. You see something creative or unique, you “pin it,” implement it in your wedding planning and move on. I’m always impressed with wedding bloggers who build a substantial following. In my mind, it’s a marketing nightmare. You have readers who come to look at pretty pictures, get ideas, and then leave. Once the wedding is over, who cares about the wedding blog?

But in writing this book, my mom and I both felt strongly that we didn’t want it to be about “tips” for planning a Christian wedding. And the reasons for this are:

1. We could try to give a “Gospel-Centered Wedding Checklist.” Couples could follow it, checking off each task as they planned. But this would not guarantee what really matters. Because what really matters is the heart–a heart changed by the love of Christ and the grace of our great Father.

2. A true understanding of grace and the freedom of the gospel should lead to a gospel-centered wedding. But I had neither a true understanding nor a truly gospel-centered wedding. And so the book is far less about tips and ideas, and far more about the gospel. Because it has to be in that order. As God opens our eyes to the beauty of Christ’s perfect life, sacrificial death and glorious resurrection, it should change everything. Including our weddings.

3. A photographer friend said she is tired of shooting the same wedding every weekend. Sometimes all these tips and ideas we’re sharing and pinning end up making the rounds at every wedding. So what was maybe unique once is now standard issue. There’s nothing really wrong with this, but I believe God’s work in the lives of a bride and groom is far more interesting and glorious than the details we so easily obsess over. So I’m hesitant to share a lot of practical tips out of concern that we might create some sort of “gospel-centered wedding” culture that limits the freedom couples should have to express God’s grace in their own way.

So for these reasons, there aren’t a lot of tips on the blog. And to be honest, I have a hard time coming up with things to blog about that aren’t just practical. I know the practical stuff is helpful; I’m just hesitant for it to become law.

That being said, I’m hoping to post more regularly and more often about weddings.

But I’m always trying to balance the freedom of the gospel with the practical ideas people might want to read. And if a week (or two) go by without wedding posts, I apologize. I guess I’m still figuring out what this blog is.

Thanks for reading it, whatever it is.

Radical or Normal? Or Neither?

'Old Globe' photo (c) 2007, Kenneth Lu - license: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

 

Update: The article referenced below is now featured on the World Magazine website. It was written by Anthony Bradley.

Recently I have been reading critiques of what some are calling the new legalism of being “radical” or “missional.” One writer suggests young adults are constantly under guilt and pressure to do something amazing for God. He states this leads to a new culture of narcissism and shame within the church. Are you radical enough? Are you doing enough? Or have you settled for a conventional, suburban life?

I get what he’s saying, and I have struggled with this in my own heart. I wonder if I’m doing enough. Am I sacrificing enough? Am I wasting my life? Should we move from the suburbs? Should we move overseas? What am I doing? It quickly becomes legalism, and I judge others by the same standards, or even stricter ones. Why do they live in such a big house? Why don’t they go on mission trips? Legalism is exactly the word for it.

The solution given by some of these writers is a “normal life.” We’re told we just need more people content to live a normal, suburban life. We need people who have kids, grow the church through our children and just live faithfully. We don’t have to leave our current context, but should stay here and serve and love where we are.

But then I have conversations like one I had with a young friend today. She has dreamed of going overseas for years and desires to start an orphanage or some sort of orphan care ministry. But she knows there’s a mission field right here in Nashville–right out her suburban front door, in her school, at her workplace, even in our church. So she almost feels a little guilty for going overseas, as if she’s saying the mission field here isn’t good enough or big enough or radical enough.

This is what happens when we bounce from extreme to extreme. Either everyone should move to the ghetto or overseas, or everyone should be content to live in the suburbs. I don’t think anyone would actually say those words, but when we react to one idea so strongly, we risk this effect.

In essence, we leave out one important component–the Holy Spirit.

When my husband and I were actively praying about and pursuing a possible adoption of a child with special needs, many people thought we were crazy. This particular need scares many people, but it didn’t scare us at all. And this isn’t because we’re super-human. It’s because the Lord had clearly put this on our hearts. It just seemed obvious. Other families who adopt kids with other needs seem crazy to me. I can’t imagine doing what they do. But I get it–it’s not radical to them; it’s just where their hearts are.

When we tell people they don’t have to move overseas to be missionaries, we’re right. But let’s not quench what the Spirit may be doing in their hearts. And when we say everyone could move to the ghetto or work overseas, this might be true too. You could do it. But let’s not mistake the possibility for a commandment. It could be we are called to be right where we are.

Either way, the Great Commission is for all of us. “All the world” includes suburban Nashville and outer Mongolia. The mission is the same, but the placement is up to the Holy Spirit. I have to remember, Jesus gave His followers the Great Commission, then gave them instructions to wait until the Holy Spirit came upon them. It’s all Spirit-powered.

We can tell one another, “You don’t have to do this,” but let’s not forget that it might be just what we have to do–just what the Spirit has put in our hearts to do. This is what it means to abide in Christ (John 15). If we’re there, abiding, we will bear fruit. We can’t do it apart from the vine. My friend Marci says, “As we draw near to Christ He bears the fruit through us. We can dream big as we think about how we would like to participate in the kingdom of God, but we have to let the Lord put us there.”

So I pray we will come alongside each other, praying for the Spirit’s guidance and power in directing each of our paths. May we encourage those serving in the suburbs as well as those in the inner cities or undisclosed locations. May we not assume our passion is from us, but instead given to us uniquely by a loving God who graciously created us for this very purpose–proclaiming His gospel for His glory. May we celebrate and encourage those with other gifts and pray as they use them by the Spirit’s power. May we focus on international missions and local missions–may one fuel the other, in a cycle of excitement and rejoicing at the power of our great God.

Wherever we are, let us love. And let us assume nothing–the gospel is for each of us, every day of our lives.

What I’m Reading

Now that I’m not busy writing a book, I’ve been enjoying some extra time to read several I’ve had on the shelf for a while. So I thought I’d list a few that have been particularly great, as well as a few I’m in the middle of or hoping to read soon.

Super(free)Woman: From Fundamentalist to Failure to Faith - by Marci Preheim. I’ve mentioned this one on the blog before, and am hoping to have a full review up eventually. If you’re looking for something to give the mother(s) in your life for Mother’s Day, give them the gift of freedom. Freedom from the pressures placed upon women by other women. Freedom from conformity to outside rules and expectations. Freedom from enslavement to the opinions of others. I love this quote from the book: “Depending on Christ’s righteousness is the joyful alternative to human achievement. The beauty of the gospel is realized in the humility that admits we have nothing to offer–no righteousness to bring. We know this, but don’t live it in front of each other. Instead we try to prove the opposite. Covering our sin and wearing a mask of external righteousness, we fool others into thinking we are godly.” The book is accessible and honest–Preheim pulls no punches, but lands them with love and grace. It’s as if you’re sitting across from her–something I’ve been privileged to do in our church body–and she is lovingly exhorting you to abide in Christ and rest in Him. Get it, read it, buy one for all your friends. Seriously.

Delighting in the Trinity: An Introduction to the Christian Faith by Michael Reeves. This one is so good. I wish I could have read it years ago. The wit, beauty and joy with which it is written makes the author’s excitement contagious to the reader. It takes me a while to read books, but I picked this one up on a Tuesday and finished it on Thursday.

The Freedom of Self Forgetfulness by Tim Keller. Coming in at just 45 pages, this is a great one for the busy reader. Keller builds a case for the believer to think of himself less (not think less of himself), using Paul’s words from I Cor. 3:21-4:7. Not only does Keller diagnose the problem, something at which he is incredibly gifted. He also graciously and lovingly points out the solution.

Because He Loves Me: How Christ Transforms Our Daily Life by Elyse Fitzpatrick. In two parts, Fitzpatrick looks at how God’s love transforms both our identities and our lives. I have about half of this book underlined, so it is hard to come up with quotes or highlights. But this is a freedom-granting, Christ-exalting book from the heart of a writer who wants her readers to know the deep, amazing love of the Father for His adopted children, and the Son for His bride.

Suburbianity: What Have We Done to the Gospel? Can We Find Our Way Back to Biblical Christianity? - by Byron Yawn. Byron is my pastor. I know his heart for his church, and this book was written as a cry for us–suburban Christians in the heart of the Bible belt–to recognize that what we think is Christianity is actually “suburbianity.” Living in Nashville, we get it. There are more churches than trees. He writes, “You can’t assume people are less needy of the gospel if a church happens to be on every corner. Chances are they’ve never actually heard the gospel.” This is true here, even where everyone goes to church and claims to be a Christian. Byron’s heart is to awaken the church to a vibrant understanding of the true gospel–and understanding that compels us to go next door to our affluent suburban neighbors and actually share the gospel with them. It’s happening in my church, and it’s beautiful and exciting.

*Full disclosure–if you buy one of these books from the links on this page, I will get a tiny profit, further feeding my book addiction. If you would like to support said addiction, feel free to use these links. If you want to free me from the addiction, you might not want to use them.

So what are you reading right now, or what would you recommend I read next?

Help Needed: Reception Ideas

A few weeks ago I asked for ideas on what posts readers would like to see and this was one of the responses:

“I’d love to see some ideas for components of a reception that would be fun (or at least not painful) for us, glorifying to God, and appreciated by a wide variety of guests.”

So today I’m opening this up to the readers for any and all ideas. I’ll write more on the topic later in the week, but for now, how would you answer this reader?

What are some fun reception ideas you’ve seen?

What about unique, meaningful elements?

How can you serve a variety of guests by not just focusing the reception on one demographic?

Thanks for your help!

Watching and Waiting: Jewish Wedding Traditions in the New Testament

'Wedding Photos' photo (c) 2011, Katsu Nojiri - license: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

When I was researching wedding traditions for the book, I discovered wedding imagery is used throughout the New Testament. Because I was previously unfamiliar with Jewish wedding customs, I had no idea all these references were present. Seeing them, though, stirred my heart to love my Savior more and to long to be with Him in a new way. So today I’d like to share these things on the blog.

So here are some of the ancient Jewish wedding customs:

First, the groom’s father would choose a bride for his son, either on his own or through a servant or messenger. If the bride’s father agreed on the marriage, they would come to terms on payment. The groom’s father was required to pay a “bride price” to the bride’s father—basically buying her for his son.

Once the terms were agreed upon, all parties would come together for the betrothal ceremony. At this point the bride price would be paid, and the bride and groom would sign a contract or covenant, called a “ketubah,” signifying their agreement to marry. They would then drink wine as a symbolic sealing of the marriage.

At this point they were betrothed. But unlike our modern engagements, being betrothed during this time basically meant you were married, only you had not yet consummated the marriage. Only death or a decision on the part of the groom’s father could dissolve the betrothal.

So after they drank the wine and signed the Ketubah, the groom would return to his father’s house and would work to build an addition onto it, preparing a home for his bride. He would continue to work, sometimes for over a year, until the day when his father approved the work and gave him permission to go and bring back his bride.

So the bridegroom would go for the bride, who was waiting expectantly, not knowing when he would arrive. He would bring her back to his father’s house where they would enjoy a feast lasting up to seven days. We get a glimpse of such a feast in John 2 at the wedding at Cana, where Jesus provides wine after it has run out too soon.

I’m sure you’re picking up on these things. The idea of Christ as bridegroom is all over the place in the NT. First, the Father chooses a bride for his Beloved Son. The love of the Father for the Son now spills out in the love of the Son for His chosen bride.

But there is a bride price. And the price is inestimably high. For the bride price the Father pays IS the Son. How much must He love the bride to pay such a price? And the value of the bride comes from the degree of love with which she is loved by the Father and the Son.

As Jesus eats the Last Supper with His disciples, He drinks the Passover wine with them and says, “this is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins. I tell you I will not drink again of this fruit of the vine until that day when I drink it new with you in my Father’s kingdom.” This is the betrothal wine. He must go to prepare a place. In his Father’s house are many mansions, so He is now preparing a place for His bride. And one day—a day even the Son doesn’t know—the Father will give Him the go-ahead to return and bring home His bride.

On that day we will feast—the Marriage Supper of the Lamb will be prepared for us. We will drink the cup and the marriage will be consummated and the union will be complete. And we say together, “Even so, COME LORD JESUS.”

When the groom would go home to prepare a house for his bride, the bride would remain to prepare herself. And when she went out around others, they all knew she was spoken for. She wasn’t looking around for a better offer. She was saving herself for her bridegroom. This was part of the betrothal agreement. She had been bought at a great price, and therefore she had to remain pure for her groom.

So it is in our case. In 2 Corinthians 11:2, Paul tells the Corinthians he feels a divine jealousy for them because he betrothed them to one husband, to present them as a pure virgin for Christ. And why on earth would we look around and let our eyes wander when we have CHRIST? After all, we have been bought with a price—the blood of Christ—and are no longer our own. It is Christ who lives in us. And through the Holy Spirit, as we look on Christ and His beauty and glory is revealed more and more to our hearts, our desires and affections for Him increase. It’s like receiving a letter from your fiancé—you can’t be with him in person, but as you long for that day your heart is drawn closer to Him through His words to you.

I pray these truths encourage your heart as they have mine. What a precious gift to find in His Word. What love and joy is ours in Him! May we live each day encouraged and strengthened by that love, as we work and wait and rest in Him.

Choosing Your Wedding Attendants

'Wedding group at Wynberg, New Farm' photo (c) 2010, State Library Queensland - license: http://www.flickr.com/commons/usage/

I’m finally getting back to the subject of choosing your wedding party, a topic suggested by a reader a couple of weeks ago.

I have talked to several women who say they look back at their wedding pictures and no longer have contact with many of their attendants. There are many reasons for this, but one of the common ones is that we tend to choose those people we are currently closest to, or those we promised we would choose years earlier.

Maybe in high school you and your best friends would talk about being in each other’s weddings. So when you get engaged, you feel as if you’re required to honor that decision you made 10 years earlier.

Or maybe you just graduated from college and have high school friends, college friends and family members to choose from and you’re feeling overwhelmed.

Or it could be that you’ve moved away from home, lost touch with some of your older friends, but still feel you should include them.

There is no real right or wrong decision here, but I would pose a few things to consider:

What is the purpose of having bridesmaids and groomsmen?

I like what my friend Sarah had to say about this:

I think that from a Christian perspective, the wedding party isn’t merely a group of close friends that you want to celebrate with you. They’re the people you ask to stand as witnesses to your covenant vows, and to encourage you in & hold you accountable to those vows in the future.

So your bridesmaids and groomsmen are the primary witnesses of your covenant. If they are to hold you accountable in the future that would necessitate an ongoing, close relationship.

Another reader pointed out the importance of choosing people you trust to plan parties for you, like the bachelor or bachelorette parties, if you choose to have them.

Should they be my age, single, married, older, younger?

Once again, there is no right or wrong answer here, but I like what Bill said about his decision:

When I chose groomsmen last year, I chose men who were brothers in Christ and had godly marriages so they would be able to hold me accountable to being a godly husband. Also, they were able to offer the encouragement and counsel that single men could not provide.

Depending on the situation, this of course is not always possible. You would not necessarily want to pass up on choosing your single brother just so you could have a married friend instead. But I think the idea is a valuable one. You can learn from and be encouraged by those who have the benefit of perspective during this process. They have been through it and know how to support you and pray for you.

Must they be Christians?

When I began writing the book, I assumed it was best to only have Christians in your wedding party. But I heard from a couple of brides who made the choice to include unbelieving siblings as bridesmaids. These couples chose this because it gave their siblings an opportunity to get a first-hand glance into the beauty of the gospel message as portrayed by a wedding ceremony. And they knew their other attendants were strong believers. They wanted their siblings to be around other Christ-followers.

I hope that is a helpful look at this topic. There are obviously many more things that could be said, but the truth is that it’s an opportunity for the bride and groom to sit down together and pray over this decision. Allow the other person to be in on the decision-making process for your own attendants. This will ensure that you have the same goal and desires in your choices.

Do you have any other thoughts on this topic? Any stories from your own wedding or a friend’s?

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