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Pre-Marriage Counseling–What Do YOU Think?

'couple-reading-books' photo (c) 2012, Erin Kelly - license: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

Writing has been a little spotty of late around here. I’ve been in VA spending time with family while my husband was in Belgium shooting a missions video. So rather than writing, I’ve been going to the beach, hanging with my precious niece and, thanks to my kind parents, sleeping in!

At some point in the next few months I plan to revamp this blog to create a better forum for both wedding-related and non-wedding posts. In the meantime, though, I’m working on a couple of series I hope will be helpful.

I need some help with the first one.

Many of the pastors I talked with in writing the book stressed the importance of pre-marital counseling. So I would like to do a series focusing on the need and the content of these counseling sessions.

If you have been through pre-marriage counseling and have thoughts on the subject, this is what I’d love to hear from you:

1. What are the most helpful things you took away from pre-marriage counseling?

2. In retrospect, what do you think would have been helpful that you did not hear from your counselor?

3. Any other thoughts (resources used, format of sessions, who did your counseling) you think might be helpful.

Thanks in advance for your help with this! I love the variety of responses I receive from people as it really aids in giving a full picture of the topic at hand.

Please feel free to pass this on to others as well!

Weddings on the Web – Laura & James

I ran across this wedding on Style Me Pretty and wanted to link to it here as it illustrates some things I think I key in planning your wedding.

The groom’s advice to couples in the planning process is to focus on the people:

 I think that perhaps our favorite part of the wedding was the rehearsal dinner the night before. A time for laughter and heartfelt memories, it gave us the confidence to boldly declare our love for not only each other, but for Christ. Each story, every piece of advice, and any kind word that was poured over us that night had to do with Jesus and the impact he has made through us. There is nothing that will get you through what can be a bumpy ride like an encouraging word from a friend.

For any and all couples going through an engagement – watching these videos and dreaming of your perfect wedding, my advice to you is to focus on the people. Forget the details, and the frivolous things that will pass, and focus on who truly makes the day special.

If you have a few minutes, go here and watch their wedding video, put together by PenWeddings. I love how the video perfectly illustrates the groom’s words. You really get a sense that the people in their lives are there not only for the wedding day, but to encourage and lift them up going forward throughout their marriage.

Enjoy!

Book Review – Glimpses of Grace

glimpses-of-grace

When I started writing my book, I emailed another writer for advice and encouragement. I had never met Gloria Furman, but so appreciated her blog and the grace with which she conducts herself online. She kindly wrote back and shared some wisdom and advice with me, then went out of her way to help me get started with blogging by featuring me on her own blog. Because of Gloria, I have met many other women who also write with grace and love. I am so thankful for her willingness to help a new writer and I was thrilled to have the chance to review her book, Glimpses of Grace: Treasuring the Gospel in Your Home.

I’m a stay-at-home-mom of two young children. The world has two main messages for me: 1) You are wasting your time and doing women a disservice by neglecting other ambitions; or 2) What you are doing is so valuable–be the best stay-at-home-mom ever and relish every moment!

I used to agree with idea #2. I was going to be the best mom, taking my kids all over the place and doing craft projects and teaching them to read by age 2. But then reality set in and I would go to bed crying about my failures day after day, determined to do better the following day.

Gloria’s message in this book is a message of freedom, not pressure. She writes:

This book is about how we experience the grace of the gospel as we go about our daily lives in the home. It’s not about how to transcend to “a happy place” above the reality of life in the home. It’s not about how to relish our mundane existence and cherish it like it were an all-satisfying fountain if we would only soak it in for its own sake.

Glimpses of Grace is about how God’s power in the gospel can tran

sform us for his glory as we live by faith–right where we are in the mundane of our homes. It’s about how God has made us new in his likeness of true righteousness and holiness (Eph. 4:24). The grace of God in Christ radically changes us. But how does he change the way we wash the same dishes every day? How does the gospel change the way our heart responds when we hear the doorbell ring during supper?

Reading this book, for me, was like sitting down with a kind sister in the faith and letting her pour into me from her experience of God’s love and grace during her own days of mundane. As a mom of three (almost four) and a pastor’s wife living in the Middle East, Gloria’s life is neither easy nor glamorous. She confesses her weaknesses readily. And that is the beauty, because we see the surpassing power of God is not from Gloria, but from her Father.

I commend this book to moms, wives, single women, and even to men. While many of the examples are from a mom’s point of view, the truths are universal and applicable to all.

Special Offer from Crossway

In honor of the book’s release, Crossway is excited to offer something special. Purchase a copy of Glimpses of Gracefrom your favorite local or online retailer from June 3-7 and receive a free Glimpses of Grace ebook as well as one of Gloria’s favorite resources—the ESV Study Bible Online (available on ESVBible.org)!

To redeem your free extras, simply scan and email your receipt to glimpses@crossway.org before 11:59am on Friday, June 7.*

Finally, you can watch the book trailer here:

Glimpses of Grace: Treasuring the Gospel in Your Home from Crossway on Vimeo.

Weddings on the Web

'Wedding Photos' photo (c) 2011, Katsu Nojiri - license: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

The Council for Biblical Manhood and Womanhood (CBMW) recently launched a new website with both a men’s and a women’s channel. I have really enjoyed the women’s channel and they are currently doing a series on weddings that is definitely worth checking out.

Today’s post by Jenny Manley looks into how planning a wedding points us toward the greater reality of “Preparing for the Ultimate Wedding Day.” She describes what we do when we plan weddings and how this reflects the working and waiting for our union with Christ. I love this quote:

So, dear bride, prepare for your earthly wedding day.  And as you pick out the dress and the photographer and the wedding cake, remember your calling to prepare even more diligently for that ultimate day.  Preparations are already underway in heaven.

Last week, Courtney Reissig wrote about sex and expectations for the wedding night in a post called, “When the Wedding Night Isn’t Perfect.”  This is something that is rarely discussed, but super important and I’m so thankful she tackled it (and did so with much grace). Courtney writes:

Virginity is not a down payment on the guarantee of amazing sex. And that’s not the point, anyway. Sex, like every good thing (including marriage), takes work. Contrary to nearly every movie’s breathless, raucous, and perfect portrayal of sex, the reality is that sex doesn’t always end up that way. And when we promise nearly married people that this is what awaits them if they simply hold off until the wedding night, we are doing them a grave disservice.

And a couple of weeks ago I was privileged to kick off the series with my post, “What I Wish I Had Known When I Planned My Wedding.”

Stay tuned to the CBMW “Karis” channel for more grace-filled posts on a variety of topics.

The Lord is Near

Philippians 4:5b-7 – The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

When my husband and I were dating he would point out this “worry spot” I got between my eyes when I was concerned about something. Somehow in the past 8 years, that spot has all but disappeared. I would like to credit this solely to sanctification–to a deep understanding that the Lord is at hand. That He’s near and I don’t have to worry. Sometimes, this is true–I’m resting and trusting.

Much of the time, though, I’m just being optimistic.

The problem with optimism is that my trust isn’t in God or His sovereign love. My trust is in “bright side” thinking. The ability to look on the bright side of every situation is something I used to consider a strength. And it can be. But sometimes it lets us down.

Sometimes the bright side just isn’t there.

Sometimes we can’t say, “Well at least…” or “Yeah, that’s horrible, but think about it this way.”

Sometimes there’s no visible silver lining.

If my trust in God is dependent on seeing the bright side of things, there will come a day when my trust falls apart. When I can’t see the silver lining and I am forced to really contend with God.

When homes in our neighborhood are broken into, our neighbor tells us she just doesn’t want anyone taking the things she’s worked hard for. I pridefully pity her, thinking I’m wiser and able to trust God more. After all, it’s just stuff. But my “trust” falls apart a bit when I think of someone taking not just our old hand-me-down furniture or electronics. What if they harm my children?

The problem with optimism is there are some situations I can’t imagine being optimistic about. And harm to my children is certainly one of those.

And so I’m learning my trust has to be deeper. It has to be in Someone greater than me and my ability to think positively.

The Lord is near. If you tell me not to be anxious, I can’t do it. But if you tell me, “Don’t be anxious, the Lord is near. He is at hand–returning soon! Come to Him with your requests and your concerns, thank Him for His faithfulness. And you will have peace. Amazing peace that surpasses understanding. And it will guard your heart and your mind,” that is what I need.

Not optimism.

Trust.

Not “don’t worry about it…things will look better tomorrow.”

Trust in a God who is near; a God who has suffered in my place; a God who loves me deeply as His child.

The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. - Psalm 145:18

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. - Psalm 34:18

But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ. - Ephesians 2:13 -

Whom have I in heaven but you?

And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.

My flesh and my heart may fail,

but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

For behold, those who are far from you shall perish;

you put an end to everyone who is unfaithful to you.

But for me it is good to be near God;

I have made the Lord God my refuge,

that I may tell of all your works. - Psalm 73:25-28

Music Monday – “Beautiful” by Phil Wickham

The lyrics for this song by Phil Wickham are below the video. I’ve heard of this being used as a processional for a wedding, but it would work great for corporate worship or a special number during the ceremony. I particularly like the last two verses. And the time lapse video images below are just gorgeous.

I see Your face in every sunrise
The colors of the morning are inside Your eyes
The world awakens in the light of the day
I look up to the sky and say
You’re beautiful

I see Your power in the moonlit night
Where planets are in motion and galaxies are bright
We are amazed in the light of the stars
It’s all proclaiming who You are
You’re beautiful, You’re beautiful

I see you there hanging on a tree
You bled and then you died and then you rose again for me
Now you are sitting on Your heavenly throne
Soon we will be coming home
You’re beautiful, you’re beautiful

When we arrive at eternity’s shore
Where death is just a memory and tears are no more
We’ll enter in as the wedding bells ring
Your bride will come together and we’ll sing
You’re beautiful, You’re beautiful, You’re beautiful

Real Wedding: Aylin & Ethan

I defy anyone with a heart to watch this video and not cry. This is one of the most humble, Christ-exalting things I have ever seen. I do not know this couple personally, but they graciously agreed to share their video and story with me for the blog and book. Here are the bride’s words about their wedding:

We wanted it to be very clear that our marriage was built on His grace and His alone. Both of us are pastor’s kids, with desires to serve the Lord in ministry. People kept saying, “You deserve this marriage.” “Look how God has blessed you for having waited to well in His time.” We both knew the many struggles we had with our sin during our singleness. We wanted it to be very clear that if the Lord blessed our marriage it was all because of Him, not because of anything in us. So, we had a time of public confession of sins, and then we nailed those sins to a Calvary tree “sculpture” that we prepared. As we nailed the list, our pastor read Col. 2: 16. Then we sang The Power of the Cross.

Please, take a few minutes and rejoice in the power of the cross and the great love of our Savior.

Aylin + Ethan from Studio 16×9 on Vimeo.

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